When did we start expecting our bodies to stay the same?

The other day I caught myself standing in front of the mirror doing something (subconsciously) I know I’m not alone in doing. Mentally listing the things I would change.

A few more lines than last year. Skin that behaves differently. A body that has shifted after motherhood and simply getting older.

And then I paused, because a thought came through that stopped me in my tracks. When did I start expecting my body to stay exactly the same while my life has changed so completely?

We don’t often say it out loud, but there’s a quiet assumption many of us carry; that our bodies should remain unchanged, while we move through decades of living, loving, losing, creating, carrying children, carrying stress, building careers, starting again and becoming entirely different versions of ourselves.

It’s an impossible expectation. And yet it’s one so many of us unconsciously hold.

The truth is, our bodies are not separate from our lives. They are shaped by them.

Laugh lines are not “signs of ageing” so much as evidence of joy. Softer skin is not failure, it is time lived. Scars, stretch marks, changes in shape and texture are all records of a life that has been fully participated in.

Some of it beautiful. Some of it hard. All of it real.

What I’ve come to realise through Wildfemmes is that the goal was never to ask women to love every part of themselves every single day. That feels unrealistic in a world that constantly teaches us to critique ourselves.

Instead, the work is quieter than that.

It’s learning to replace criticism with curiosity.

Instead of “I don’t like this part of me,” what happens if we ask, “what has this part of me been through?”

Instead of trying to fix ourselves, what happens if we start to understand ourselves?

There is a growing body of research in psychology that suggests self-compassion is far more sustainable than self-esteem alone. Self-esteem can fluctuate based on how we feel about our appearance or achievements. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is the ability to treat ourselves with the same understanding we would offer a friend. It creates stability rather than constant evaluation.

And curiosity does something similar. When we shift from judgement to observation, the emotional charge softens. We are less likely to spiral into criticism when we are simply noticing rather than attacking.

It doesn’t erase insecurity. But it changes our relationship with it and over time, that shift can be profound.

Because a body you are curious about is a body you are far less likely to punish.

What I also see, over and over again through photographing women, is how quickly perception can shift when we are truly seen. Not posed. Not perfected. Just witnessed.

I once had a woman tell me after a shoot, quietly, almost in disbelief, that she had spent years avoiding mirrors. She said she had convinced herself she was “unphotographable.”

After seeing her images, she told me something I won’t forget.

“I think I’ve been looking at myself through a distorted lens my entire life. For the first time, I don’t just recognise myself. I like her.”

Even just sharing those words, I feel a little teary and incredibly touched that I could be part of that experience.

She hasn't transformed into a whole new person, but she returned to her true self with a new perspective. And that is truly powerful and also must feel a little freeing.

And I realise now, maybe that's what Wildfemmes has always been about. We're not a problem to fix, we're not forcing change, just helping women to see themselves the way the world see's them already. Returning to one's self, if you will. 

So I hope the next time you're standing in front of the mirror, you show yourself some compassion and remember that your body has worked incredibly hard over the years to help you LIVE... so give yourself a little high-five, use the good body oil, wear your fancy underwear just 'cause, and have yourself a glorious day. 

Emma x